Friday, September 19, 2008

The Housewife with Good Intentions

The step by step logic by which you will understand why my house is a mess and dinner is not on the table:

Step A- Wake at 5:30 a.m., not because either child woke naturally on its own, but because Child Number One set the alarm on Child Number Two's sound machine, and Child Number Two is awoken to rock music at 150 decibels.

Step B- Add nightgown and robe to already mammoth laundry pile since sleeves and chest are soaked with milk because Child Number Two keeps popping off to look at lights and fans and stray cat hairs.

Step C- Attempt to bring said laundry down to basement to sort into piles as fun family activity. Fun chore teamwork is hampered by the fact that Child Number One insists that she is carried in large, unwieldy, and wickedly heavy wicker laundry basket,wrapped in several wet towels, covered with remaining soiled and smelly items, and read lengthy books through the fetid layers.

Step D- Abandon aforementioned notion and leave basement carpet littered with unwashed clothing.

Step E- Proceed to feed Child Number One egg and cheese on toast while she takes "stop breaks" from running wildly around family room leaving greasy fingerprints on upholstery until naptime. Leave dishes on stove, cartons on counter and crumbs strewn about and proceed directly back upstairs to retrieve Child Number Two who begins crying just as Child Number One has fallen asleep.

Step F- Lay Child Number Two down for nap. Realize it is 2:45 pm and you have forgotten to eat breakfast or lunch. As blood sugar plummets, grab desperately for nearest item which happens to be large slices of leftover Thomas the Tank Engine birthday cake.

Step G- Assess refrigerator and attempt to concoct mental recipe containing: fennel, pepper jack cheese, broccoflower, Paula Red apples and raw rhubarb.

Step H- Abandon efforts. Resume blogging and plan for husband to pick up tortilla chips.


2 comments:

Erica Marie Jenks Henry said...

Hey! Remember me? I am Molly's husband's cousin's wife. I love this post and the rest of your blog. Extremely funny and true.

SDK said...

Hi Erica! Of course I remember you! I am always getting Sophia and Iris's latest pictures and comparing notes. Isn't it funny how our girls and Heather's are so evenly spaced? Molly threw a wrench in the double girls though.