Wednesday, November 12, 2008

Because we are bad parents

Kendziera Family Games You Won't Find In Any Children's Books:

Little Lost Girl

Child stands on front steps (Note: preferably barefoot, preferably less than forty degrees Fahrenheit). Child knocks timidly. Parent answers the door. Child explains she is an orphan and is hungry. Parent lets child in.

Parable Within a Parable

Child pretends to be a dying, severely injured squirrel. Parent pretends to drive by in variety of pretend vehicles and ignore said injuries. Parent eventually stops and administers to child's pretend wounds.

Fun With Amputation

Parent draws arm out of sleeve. Parent pretends to have been dismembered in a horrific accident. Parent screams loudly and waves empty shirt sleeve toward child.

Let's Play a Trick on Daddy

Instruct child to lie motionless in sand beneath swing set. Parent in charge of ensuring child's safety goes into house and pretends to be unaware of child's whereabouts. Other parent becomes concerned. Other parent spies child apparently lifeless beneath swings. Other parent runs screaming toward child. First parent laughs uncontrollably. First parent subsequently regrets laughter.

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