Wednesday, October 29, 2008

Molly Jo has an adventure

Today I had to leave Molly with a babysitter for the first time. Her only caretakers so far have been her parents and her grandparents and I was feeling nervous about leaving her. It didn't help matters that I was leaving her with a stranger that I had never met. Yes, she is a 17-year-old home schooled daughter of a local pastor, and, yes, she came with glowing recommendations from friends, and, yes, she once asked if she should screen the commercials during the winter Olympics for questionable content, but STILL. One never knows what raucous, wild, rebellious tendencies lurk beneath the outer shell of a home schooler. Perhaps she'd seize the freedom and down all of Dean's beer. Or call someone she met during orchestra for a tryst. WHO KNOWS.
I knew I had some anxieties about leaving my baby when I had nightmares about her last night. In one, I woke up in the morning and realized I had left her in her car seat, not in the car (because we all know I do THAT), but in the driveway all night. In the second, I left the gate to the basement open and she rolled helplessly down the stairs and shattered her humerus. Freud wouldn't have much to go on with these dreams. Pretty patently obvious guilt over abandonment.
But, all is well. I resisted calling home, fervently prayed instead, and she was happy, fed, changed, and rested when I came home. In fact, typing this, I am realizing she may actually be more capably cared for by the babysitter.

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