How I fight the willies in the name of Good Motherhood

I was sitting in the back yard the other day with my neighbor, Ryan, and the kids when he decided to give the kids a science lesson since his son was trying to eat acorns. "Don't put those in your mouth, Elliott, they all have worms in them." Well, this little revelation was akin to saying that dandelions have Rolos hidden inside, so enthusiastic was Frankie's interest. "Let me see! Let me see!," she cried delightedly. So Ryan pried them open to expose their nutty little insides and, lo and behold, he was right: nice fat white juicy little worms. The thing that is so off-putting about these worms is that you have to crack the acorn and then slice it open with your fingernail, never knowing if you are slicing right into the moist little thorax of one of these little creatures. The even more off-putting part is that they have these little damp red pulsating heads that put you in mind of something much more untoward. Since this discovery, who do you think has to sit for an hour at a time, playing Ranger Rick and procuring a nice collection of these little maggots to be Frankie's "pets"? You betcha. And the sad part is that I have to make hollow exclamations like, "Isn't God's creation interesting, Frankie? These adorable worms are getting good food to eat from the acorns. What's that? Why, I would love to hold them! I love all of God's creatures! I'll catch you that gigantic spider over there with my teeth! That's how much I love nature!"